The Sheep Have Come
by KMK25
Summary: Ginny's goth, Hermionies a slut, McGonagall's on crystal meth, Dumbeldore's a rapper, Snape's high on coffee, and the ninja sheep are coming! Read and review!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made, nothing. Stopbothering me!

Harry Potter sat on his bed thinking of his life. It had not been a good one. His parents died when he was a year old, and to top it all off he would have to fight Lord Voldemort at some point in the near future because of a stupid prophecy written before Harry was even born.  
So, as Harry was thinking about his life, his best friend Ron came running into the dorm room they shared.  
"Harry! Harry! Come quick Ginny's finally lost it!" a very disgruntled Ron  
shouted.

"What's wrong is she hurt?" Harry asked. He was concerned for her, she was  
like a sister to him, a very hot sister whom he dreamed about regularly.

"Come see for your self." Ron said as he dragged Harry out of the dorm room.  
Harry was looking around for a glimpse of red hair, but all he saw was a  
pale skinned girl with jet-black hair, black clothes and black lipstick.

"G-G-Ginny is that you?" stuttered Harry.  
"Yeah I decided red so wasn't my color, plus black is slimming."  
"Yeah well I won't have it! No sister of mine will wear clothes like that." Ron screamed. Ginny was wearing tight stretchy black pants and a small black tank top.  
"What are you going to do about it, go tell mom and dad?" Ginny taunted.  
"Err guys, lets not argue, and where's Hermionie?" Harry asked.  
"That slut how should I know?" Ginny asked. Hermionie was a slut. She slept with every guy that was her age or older.

"Well we need to find her", stated Harry, and under his breath added to Ron, "And have her talk some sense into Ginny."

"Agreed" whispered Ron. The two boys were about to exit the common room  
when Professor McGonagal came in screeching.  
"The sheep have come the sheep have come!"

"What sheep are you talking about professor?" asked Ron.

"Oh it's those ninja sheep! They come every 57 years to cause trouble of  
some sort, they never do the same thing twice." McGonagal replied. With her,  
she had all of her luggage, and ran out of Hogwarts.

"Okkaayy...whatevah. She was probably sniffing crystal meth again," said Ron.  
Harry nodded. Although none of the other teachers believed the Professor  
was addicted to a muggle drug, every student did.  
"Lets keep looking for Hermi-" Ron was cut of as Hermionie came down the hall past the fat lady.  
Now, Hermionie was a slut, mind you, and under those robes were a thong, fish net stockings, black knee high boots, and a tiny corset. She wore too much eye shadow, and had fake eyelashes to go with the bright red lipstick.  
"Hermionie!" Harry shouted.  
She turned around and smiled when she saw them. "Hey Hun, sorry, I can't sleep with you tonight, I'm taking Malfoy's virginity, and a hellva lot of money." She said with a seductive smirk.  
"Err...we just want to talk to Ginny, that's all." Ron said. (He had slept with Hermionie 5 times).  
"She's completely lost it in her right mind!" Harry added. (He slept with Hermionie 9 times).  
"EEWW! Dear God I'd soil my rep if I was caught with that Goth! No bloody way!" She looked at the time. "Anyway I got to go. Cya around cutie pies!" With that, she gave them both a lil squeeze on their cheek, and I don't mean their face mind you.  
"She's some woman..." Ron said in a dazed voice.  
"Yup..." Harry replied.  
They stood there in their trance for awhile, but a group of first years came  
running by in raisin costumes singing 'Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer'. They snapped out of it, and went back into the common room.  
As they walked back, they missed something...THE NINJA SHEEP HAVE ARRIVED AND HAVE GATHERED IN THE WOMPING WILLOW!

A/N: Can you say random? LOL This story was origionally posted under KMK but my account was deleted. I'm writing this with a friend of mine and we have up to chapter five written. I'l try to update frequently. Please read and review, it makes us happy!

Kristin


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Yep, I own it all it's all mine! Actually, no it's not mine it belongs to JK Rowling but a girl can wish!

Chapter 2

Ron and Harry sat down in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room. Harry broke the silence first.  
"Dude, do you think McGonagal gave Ginny some of the crystal meth and that's why she's all messed up?"  
"That must be it!" Ron shouted excitedly. He then attempted to run up to his sister's dormitory, but before he could even take a step he fell off the stairs.

"Damn stairs" Ron cursed as he yelled for Ginny at the bottom.  
"What the hell Ron, what is so important you had to interrupt my shower?" Asked an annoyed Ginny. (She was wearing a small towel and Harry couldn't help but stare)  
Ron ignored her, and instead asked, "Is McGonagal giving you crystal meth?"  
"Ron we have been through this before I DON'T USE MUGGLE DRUGS! I USE MAGIC WEED THAT IS IT!"  
"Well it was Harry who thought of it." Ron said turning red.  
"Hey don't blame me those damn sheep are coming! I'm going to bed." Harry said as he marched upstairs to his room, but when he closed his eyes his favorite counting sheep didn't come, none of the counting sheep came...  
'How odd.' thought harry. Suddenly he heard the loudest baaaaaaaaaaa ever and  
decided to investigate. He took out the marauders map and looked at the  
whomping willow where there were 10,000 sheep.

"HOLY HELL!" Harry shouted at the top of his lungs. He had thought McGonagal was just talking crackpot nonsense, but now he saw it was real!

"For gods sake Harry, no one gives a damn about your stupid problems, especially so late at night!" Neville moaned at Harry. It WAS 12:17 am. (Notice how it's exact? That's cause we're too cool for rounded off times. :)

"Look at the map! THE SHEEP ARE COMING! THEY REALLY REALLY ARE!" Harry yelled again.

"That's what that drug-addict witch said too, so just shut up and go to sleep you loser!" Neville said again, and rolled back on his pillow.

"Humph" Harry said, and reluctantly shut up. He crawled in bed and had his favorite dream were he ruthlessly murdered Dudley and ate his body fat, and sold Petunia to a whore house, and he made his uncle a jail janitor.

Up in his office, Dumbeldore made sure every one was asleep. When he was positive no one would bother him, he went to the farthest reaches of his back closet in the very back. But its very very dark back there, so we shall wait till he comes out to see what he's doing. Oh, why we're here? Because it has nothing to do with the plot! Why else? Oh, here he comes!

Dumbeldore was wearing big shades, oversized sports jersey, baggy pants, and had a ton of serious bling-bling. He even had a backwards baseball cap to match the look. In his arms he was carrying three pictures, one with P. Diddy, one with Snoop Dogg and one with Eminem. He hung them up against the back wall of the room, and sat in his chair with his pimp cup, which was made of pure gold, and had his street name, A.D.Dore incrusted in diamonds around the top.

"Homious Awakium" Said A.D.Dore with a flick of his wand, and the three pictures came to life.

Soon, the four street savvy rapper men were talking away about downtown Brooklyn in a way no mere mortal could ever understand. SO! This calls for a scene change.

NEAR THE LAKE WERE THE GIANT SQUID LIVES...

"Yes, I've kept my end of the bargain. You got all the information on Hogwarts you need." Said the Giant Squid, know known as Obito.

"Excellent. Don't worry my friend, you will get your side as soon as we are victorious..." The ninja sheep was wearing a scuba outfit named uh...Sheep Lord.

"You better, or I will eat you all!" Said Botio angrily.

"No worries, Tiboo. No worries..." Sheep Lord began to laugh evilly as any sheep could laugh. Soon, Obito- or Botio, or Tiboo- the giant squid laughed evilly, as well, but he sounded more evil. Why? Because I said so. Deal.

As this took place, armies of 9,999 sheep were waiting under the whomping will to get the signal to commence their invasion.

Yes, it is an army of 10,000 sheep, but one of them was talking, talking to the squid, now wasn't he?

A/N: Well here's chapter two! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed. Check out my other story (it's not nearly as random as this one hehe) And don't forget to read and review!

Kristin


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, please review again and look at my other stories. This is being written by two people, KMK25 and BrokenAngelForgivenDevil so check us both out!

Disclaimer: Don't own it leave me alone! (this applies to the entire story)

Chapter 3:

The next morning everything was normal. No one would ever have suspected that an army of sheep was congregated at the whomping willow, or that Dumbeldore was hanging with rappers, but Harry wasn't buying it.

"Hey Ginny can I talk with you for a minute?" Harry asked.

"Of course." She answered.

"Do you know anything about the Ninja sheep McGonagal was talking about?"

"Of course I do everyone does! They sold me these clothes!" Ginny exclaimed pointing to her tight black wool sweater.

"You mean you've met them?" asked a bewildered Harry.

"Harry these ninja sheep make the best black clothes come on get with the program!" Ginny said before turning and leaving.

Harry walked over to Ron.

"Ron did you know Ginny knows the ninja sheep?"

"Harry we've already been through this! There aren't any bloody sheep! Are you on meth too?" Neville screamed.

Before anyone could answer Hermionie came into the room wearing a pair of hip hugger jeans that were a few sizes too small and a skimpy black lace see through top. She hadn't bothered to put on her school robes.

"Hey boys why so uptight? Looks like you need to get laid I've got an opening tonight at 10 if you're interested." She said this as though she were asking them the time.

"Harry really needs to get laid, he totally believes in the ninja sheep." Ron said while rolling his eyes.

"THEY ARE REAL!" Harry shouted. "I saw them on the marauders map, there at the whomping willow I swear."

"Alright Harry, tonight at ten we'll meet and head down to the whomping willow and we'll see if there really are any sheep, Ron if you come too then we can make it a threesome because I know there will NOT be any sheep down there."

"THERE ARE NINJA SHEEP GINNY KNOWS THEM!" Harry screeched.

SCENE CHANGE

"Baa 1, help me put up the streamers for the surprise party" The sheep were at the whomping willow, in the shrieking shack preparing a surprise party for our favorite boy who lived…

"Baa 2, you should be able to do this! It is very important that everything is perfect for the party by 10!" yelled Baa 1.

Wait, Baa 1 and Baa 2? Thank god I'm not a sheep; I don't want no half-ass name.

"Ah yes, and that very special boy is-"

SCENE CHANGE! (Ha-ha you lose)

A.D. Dore was sitting with Snape in his totally pimped out office, playing pool.

"Yo homie, didja hurr bout da ninja sheep dat be comin?" A.D. Dore asked.

"YesyesIdid! IgotitfromMcGonagalandIthoughtshewassniffing

Crystalmethagainbutshewasn'tyaknowyaknowyaknow?" Snape said in a happy, giddy voice.

"Fo' shizzle, man, lay off da coffee!" A.D.Dore said. "Ohbutcoffeeisgoooood! COFFEECOFFEECOFFEE..." Snape said in a girly voice.

Alright, everyone take a big step away from Snape, as we do a...

SCENE CHANGE!

Harry was sitting up on his bed, pouting. The only person who believed him was Ginny, and she was a total Goth, so she was up in her room writing poetry about suicide and death and crap. Much too dark for something as stupid as this.

"Gawdhicdamn it...hic" Harry was hitting the Gin n Tonic pretty hard...

Then a squirrel ran by screaming, "I AM BILL CLITEN! BITCH, SLAP!" and rightfully smacked Harry across the face.

"Ouches!" Harry said a conked out.

The time was 8:47...

A/N: Okay, what did you think? You can tell us that we're crazy, but we already know that! please review, we like to know that there are people who are reading what we write. Thanks!  
Kristin

Ooh please read and review our other stuff as well, please?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

At exactly 8:56 Harry awoke from his conked out state, as soon as he remembered what happened, he wanted revenge.

"Get back here Bill! When I'm through with you, you won't even be able to attempt another affair with Monica! Ahhhh!" And Harry began to run around the boys' dorm still very tipsy from the gin and tonic.

"Oomph!" Harry yelped as he banged into is bedpost.

"Yo! Potter! What chu doin runnin round like a squirrel?" Dean Thomas asked the tipsy Harry suspiciously from the stairs.

"I need to catch the Bill Clinton squirrel!"

"Wow everyone's talkin bout how you on meth, I didin believe it Bu now! Seein you like so messed up 'n stuff well I be surprised if you ain't on sumfing!"

"Oh galloping gorillas! I have to show Ron the ninja sheep! If you see Bill Clinton, beat the sht outa him fer me!" Harry said as he ran out the door, banging his head on the wall as he went.

----------------------------------SCENE CHANGE---------------------------------

IN THE COMMON ROOM:

Hermionie was sitting on Fred or George Weasly's lap giving one of them a lap dance, she didn't know which one though, but that's okay cause she was getting paid well for it.

Neville and Ron were in the corner talking about how insane Harry had become lately. They then noticed a weird looking squirrel saying "I AM BILL CLINTON HEAR ME ROAR!HAHAHAHA!" and then the weird looking squirrel hopped out of the common room and into the dark towards the whomping willow.

-----------------------------------SCENE CHANGE---------------------------------

A.D DORE'S OFFICE

"So anyway, he says, he says, I dunno what he says!" Snape said in a girlish voice. He was on his 89th cup of coffee and he had also taken some E and meth.

Dumbeldore was standing in his pimped out office on his desk.

'_Because these chicks don't even know the name of my band, _

_they walk around like they wanna hold hands, cuz once I blow they know that I'll be the man…_

A.D.Dore had this blasting as he grinded with M.C. Gal (McGonagal) they were getting it on.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:  
COMMON ROOM  
"Harry how could you have blown off Nevelle's head?" Ron asked in shock   
"Hahahaha his head went pop!" Harry laughed.  
"HARRY WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? NEVELLE IS HEADLESS!"  
"It'll grow back" Harry slurred, and all of a sudden Nevelle's head came back, but it looked more like a turtle than a human head.  
Ron took Harry to the far corner of the common room and told him to stay where he was.  
"Why?" asked Harry.  
"Because you are a dangerous drunk now do as your told." Ron marched over to Hermionie and pulled her off Fred or George.  
"Sorry Fred or George, or Gred or Forge, but I need Hermionie."  
"Ronald McDonald, it is not yet ten o'clock, what in the world do you want?" Hermionie asked with disgust.  
"I want a pet pony, and a rainbow and a dolly that says mama, and the moon, and some daffy-dills, and-- (the list went on and we all realize that Ron isn't right in the head)  
"whoa boy! What do you want from me?" Hermionie asked.  
"Ohhhhhhhhh that's what you meant! I want you to make Harry a potion to make him un-drunk!" Ron said happily as he looked out the window and started counting the stars.  
"One, two three. He continued to count as Hermionie brewed the potion for Harry. 5 million and one 5 million and 2 5 million and."  
"DONE!" Hermionie shouted, not wanting Ron to count past 5 million and 5.  
"Oooh yippie! Harry gets to be all better now!" Ron started jumping up and down  
clapping his hands, then suddenly he was in a pink fluffy dress and he did a curtsey. 

-----THIS----CALLS----FOR----A----SCENE----CHANGE----!-------   
"Sheep Lord, we have done all you have asked, the whomping willow has been decorated completely, and all we need now is for Harry Potter to come down." Baa 577 said to his leader.  
"good good, now we only have to invite the party pooper!"  
"It's been done already Mr. Voldemort will be arriving shortly after Harry arrives at his surprise party!  
"Oh good!" Sheep Lord said and let out a mean, menacing laugh.   
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

!SCENE CHANGE!  
Snape was sitting in his dungeon office, and after consuming his 32nd cup of coffee, took a stroll through the fields of Hogwarts.  
Or, as stroll-ish a man could stroll after having 32 cups of coffee.  
Well, actually, he wasn't really strolling at all. He was hopping around like a deranged frog on fire through the fields screaming at the top of his lungs.  
"WHEEEEEE! BONGIEBONGIEBONGIEALLDAYLONGTHROUGHTHEBEEEUUU-TI-FULMEADOWORFIELDS! WHEEEEEEE!"  
...Okie dokie then.  
!SCENE CHANGE!   
"Sir! I have urgent news! The giant squid has killed one of our sheep!"  
"WHAT?" Screamed the Sheep Lord, "WHICH ONE?"  
"Uh...I believe it was Sheep 10" ((CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG!))  
"WHA- oh wait him." the Sheep Lord calmed down. Apparently he didn't like this sheep. Poor sheep. Let us mourn for him.  
Ok enough of that.  
!SCENE CHANGE!  
Harry, Ron (who was still in his pink dress), and Hermionie went over to the Whomping Willow.  
Suddenly, Ron let out a piercing cry  
"RON? What's wrong?" Both Harry and Hermionie cried, as the turned to see...  
Ron prancing around and chasing butterflies, squealing gaily.  
"OHMYGOSH They're just so cute!" Ron cooed as he continued to chase the butterflies in the opposite direction of the Whomping Willow.  
"Damnit Ron get back here!" Harry shouted. Seeing his friend prance around like a girl in a pink dress was seriously starting to bother him.   
--End Chapter--  
Hmm...That felt too short. SO!  
POETRY WITH GINNY!  
We come out into the world covered in blood  
We are told to be innocent, and cling to life,  
When in the end, we are tools of our parents.  
Destined solely for death.  
--By Ginny Weasly (BrokenAngelForgivenDevil)


End file.
